I’m Telling You This for the Last Time

I don't know what to say, except that it's close to the end here in Brazil, and it has been a whirlwind of emotions, and things to do, and anxiety, and parties with friends, and alcohol, and emotions, and wait…I already said that.

Update: until last week, I was excercising every day, just like I said I would try. But this last week I didn't make it…unless you include frantic sprints or angry gesticulations towards bus drivers. But I'm sure anxiety burns it's share of calories, so maybe I'm ok. Except no, I'm not.

Uma cesta de Natal: cheio de coisas que você não quer :)

Another update of sorts: after I blogged about that special graffiti in my old neighborhood (notice I said “old neighborhood”–that is because I did succeed in moving out of my apartment. Juuuuuuuust barely. Money and tears can do wonders. And money. Did I mention money?) there were some folks that reminded me that it's not true that “no one cares.” You are right. Sometimes my language tends towards the realm of extremes. Well, maybe all the time. But here is what I meant: there are some who care, yes, but there is such an overwhelming majority that are indifferent or ignorant or apathetic or lazy that it brings all the rest who care down. In fact, it wears us out so much that sometimes we even forget that we care, and we start making excuses for the majority that don't care, saying that the situation is complicated, and we try to offer excuses for them. But here is the reality: it is not complicated. Life is ugly. Cultures are not perfect. We all have improvements to make, and those improvements require LOTS of work. I am worried about Brazil, but I have not yet given up hope.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve…doesn't matter your tradition, your religion, your culture: now is a season of hope. And it's also a season of mistakes. Of reality. Of shitty decisions. Of grace. I wish you all the best, but you must understand, MY best includes things that you may not want: truth, tears, chocolate, suffering, good music, hoppy beer, loud voices, perfect cookies, children laughing and complaining, difficult questions, beach vacations, forever covenants. If you don't want my best, ok, don't take it. But this is all I have to offer. Beijos! Até a próxima!


Let’s Get Physical!

I'm always trying to yell less.

I understand, yes, that this blog is about how I yell, but I would like for that to happen less and less. Maybe I will eventually change the name of the blog: idontyelltoooften.com? or maybe imusingmyinsidevoiceallthetime.com? Possibly not as catchy a name, I realize, but healthier.

I will not be weight lifting

And that's where I came up with an idea to test a theory–I have read a few articles recently like this one, from the New York Times, about the affects of exercise. It really doesn't seem to be rocket science to me; in fact, it seems quite obvious that if you get out and move around, your brain and emotions and thoughts will be affected by the health of your body. So I'm testing it this month! Every day (and yes, I did start at the beginning of the month) I will attempt some kind of exercise: I might run, I might walk, I might do a short 7-minute interval training, I might play soccer with my son. I will move, I will burn calories, I will raise my heart-rate, I will breathe, I will make new muscles. And I am also hoping that I will be more easy-going, less quick-tempered, and have less anxiety.

Why now? Well, for those of you who know me, the month of December is a particularly busy one this year. I am preparing to move from Brasil to the United States, I am moving out of my apartment here, selling most of my possessions, trying to say “goodbye” to many many friends, and finishing my duties at work. That's a lot of opportunities for problems, yelling, anxiety, anger, and mistakes. It doesn't quite make mathematical sense to “add” more into my schedule, but not all good things make sense.

Don't worry though, I will still continue to rant here–it's quite theraputic. A new post is brewing, full of pianos, happy people, and musical mediocrity. Coming soon!

Cookies have also been known to raise my heart rate